They're Right Here

by Nikki Howard

Recently, I've started volunteering at a nursing home, and spending time with older adults has made me think about a lot of things differently, particularly the stories we tell about ourselves and the importance of keeping them. I've always understood the appeal of our memoirs: we want to know where our families come from and what life looked like before we came along. We want to leave something behind for the people who come after us. Something that says, “I was here. This is what my life looked like.” But lately I've been thinking about the people who might need these stories while they're still here.

There's a resident who sometimes asks where her family is. She has dementia and can't remember how she came to this place. I keep imagining what it would be like if I could hand her one of our books. I'd sit beside her, open it up, and start turning the pages. There's her mother, her father, her siblings. The people she grew up with and the people she loved. There are photographs of old houses, family gatherings, holidays, and ordinary afternoons. I'd show her the pictures, tell her their names, and maybe we'd read a few stories together. She could see the people she's asking about, revisit the places she's lived, and find little pieces of her own life tucked between the pages.

Instead, I had to tell her I didn't know where her family was and that I hoped they'd see her real soon. Then, I went about my day while she started hers every ten minutes when her memory would blur time again. I don't tell this story because I think a book would magically solve the problem. It won't replace her family or change the reality of her circumstances., But I keep thinking about how differently I might approach that moment if I had a little more of her story in my hands. If I knew who her people were, what they meant to her, and what memories we might be able to revisit. Together.

I think there's something valuable about having our memories written down, not just because someone else might want to read them someday, but because we might want to read them someday. Our lives are constantly moving forward. It's easy to forget the different phases of our lives, especially when the present demands so much of our attention. A memoir gives us an opportunity to look back, recognize ourselves in our past, and remember that we've lived more than whatever chapter we're currently in.

You don't have to wait until there's a diagnosis or a reason to worry. You can start recording your life because it's yours, and because it's worth remembering. And sometimes, when someone asks where their family is, wouldn't it be nice to have a book to open and say, “They're right here.”